We have all felt it!! We have had our reasons to feel it , I wonder how many of you felt it because of who you are, how you turned out to be??!!
I would never question myself if I was 10 years younger from now. I loved myself, believed in what I did and how I treated people. But growing up I have realized I may not be good enough! I m starting to question myself. This feeling is weird ; not the first time falling in love kinda weird; weird that makes you want to kill yourself. For someone who is afraid of change; even though I know I shouldn't be cause there will always be change, it's so hard for me to deal with it every single time!! All I wish for is for me to change along with it ! Not like i haven't tried cause you know killing yourself isn't a very good idea. But somehow I can't find happiness! Not that I m miserable all the time . I am happy at times too but more scared to remain in that state cause the universe, I think hates me! For everytime I have been happy for long , it would conspire to throw me down at even greater pace to make sure I was one with dust! I don't know who to talk to cause honestly I don't think anyone will get it. The amount of pain I am in is not describable. I was 12 years old when I first fell in love. I know it sounds cliche, immature bt I loved him and still do. He was the star of my sky , call it cheesy but I believed in him, I could believe in fairy tales with him and if you guys knew me , you would know that I'm not even close to a fairy tale loving girl, I m pretty much realistic but with him I would want to believe in miracles, I would be happy. For some reason I knew we could never be "us" so to keep him I listened to every aspect of his life. Every pain ,every happiness, every heart break he went through as if it were mine. We were no couples nor friends, we were in a relationship that had no name but I was happy for he made me and I was glad! Just talking about him brings water to my eyes, can any of you imagine the pain ; now that he is gone too?? My first love ,my life, my go-to person , my happiness everything is gone! He left me but I bet he doesn't realize he killed a part of me. He took away my soul and left me alive ! Now I am up all night dealing with pain that nobody understands. My heart weeps for someone to just hold me and tell me it's fine. I'm so lonely and weak ; just the thought of love trembles me from the inside. Day by day, every hour I m becoming the person I hate. If there's any remedy to my pain I wish I could find it before it's too late!!
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